She has trouble trusting. Every relationship that mattered to her has ended, even the ones she swore would be long-lasting.
She is scared of letting anyone inch closer to her, because she expects them to abandon her like everybody else from her past. In her mind, no one stays. No one keeps their promises. No one follows through on forever.
Whenever she has strong feelings for someone, she searches for their flaws. She needs a reason to run, an excuse to say it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
She doesn’t want to get to know them better. She doesn’t want to get too attached to them. She hates herself whenever she develops another crush because she’s opening herself up to heartbreak.
She keeps telling herself that she’s better off alone, because when she becomes invested in someone, there is always a chance to be disappointed. To be left behind. Falling in love is so much scarier than the idea of staying single.
She sabotages relationships before they even begin because a part of her doesn’t want them to work. She would rather hurt herself before the other person has a chance to hurt her.
If she actually gives someone a chance, if she actually enters a serious relationship against her better judgement, she is still going to have trouble trusting. Her abandonment issues will make her suspicious of her person, even if they haven’t done a single thing wrong.
Whenever she gets into an argument with them, she will assume the relationship is about to end. Whenever they say they need to talk, she will wonder if that’s code for a breakup. Whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong, she will jump to the worst case scenario.
Because of her ingrained insecurities, she will become controlling. She will ask too many questions. She will want to know where her person is at all times. She will get jealous of just friends who she shouldn’t have to worry about. She will snoop through texts and be cautious of cheating.
She will either suffocate her person with her possessiveness — or she will act so distant they will wonder whether she likes them at all.
She will act like she is heartless because she is terrified of having her heart broken. She would rather come across as a bitch than let the world see how sensitive she truly is. She is terrified of looking vulnerable, which is why she will try her best to hide her emotions. She will try her hardest not to care.
Her abandonment issues are eating her alive. They are making it difficult for her to form strong connections with others because she is convinced they are going to leave eventually. She is convinced she isn’t enough for them.
If she is being honest with herself, there is nothing she wants more than to fall in love. She wants to create her own family. She wants to find someone who means it when they swear they will stay.
But she’s not sure if she believes in forever. Not after everything she has been through.